Letter to Carol - Michael O'Conner

 Hello Carol, Happy New Year! I hope you and yours are keeping well.

As you can see, I've survived the festive season. I've eaten too much, drank too much (not too, too much) and not taken sufficient exercise, but I feel good. Siobhan and Margaret returned to base, so all four of us were there for an extended week. 

I cooked Christmas dinner. The frozen "three-bird-roast" took 3 hours to cook. That seems like a lot of work but actually it really wasn't; it was just a case of following the timetable I'd written out for myself, doing stuff and doing particular things when the alarm on my phone went off. There was plenty of time to do other things as well. 

As a family, we seem to have moved away from large expensive presents towards lots of small and sometimes silly things. There seems no point at all in exchanging vouchers. I do give Siobhan and Margaret (small) quantities of cash but that's different to me. There are lots of sweeties and biscuits as well! And chocolates!

I spent a fair amount of time over the holiday scanning photos and documents from the laundry box I told you about. Remember my brother James, the little boy I showed you some photos of? I've found another photo of him. I know I'm biased, and that the emotional associations will sway my judgement as well, but he was a handsome boy. 

One of the advantages of scanning things is that it makes it possible to zoom in on details and that can provide additional information: things like, two photos with the same background were probably taken at the same time. I've been constructing time-lines for the various characters in the story (My mother Margaret, her husband Alastair, James and my sister Catherine). Little details are coming to light and the story is taking on much more depth. The outline I told you was mostly correct, but even in a couple of months there is now so much more: some of it would suit a Boys' Own adventure, perhaps written by John Buchan, and some would suit a romance in a women's magazine, maybe by Barbara Cartland but honestly I've never read any of her work - maybe I should. I hope I can do the story, and my relatives justice.

Talking of stories, here's a sort-of "meta story". Cycling home from the surgery today, I stopped to exchange greetings with an acquaintence, Michael O'Conner. I am cycling home and Michael is walking home from tending to some horses he looks after. He walks the road twice a day, in the morning and in the evening, rain or shine. If I am cycling I stop and talk with him, if I am driving, heading in the right direction and especially if it is raining, I will give him a lift. Somehow, our meeting like this seems particularly Irish, or Scottish or "country". 

Michael will be a little younger than me, probably in his 50's. He is separated or divorced from a wife and has (at least) a daughter and one or two grandchildren. I know where he lives and where he is from (Castlemagner). His untidy hair is blonde which has turned to white and he's soft spoken. He wears heavy boots and a dirty black jacket. His face is weather-beaten and ruddy with a strawberry nose and hooded eyes. I would guess that he is a heavy drinker, quite possibly an alcoholic. I think he would be a handful if he was drunk. Honestly, if you saw him, I think you would avoid him (and in general, you might be right). Despite any of that, he is considered "reliable" and he looks after expensive horses. Once, when it was convenient for us both, he took be to see a mare who was in foal.

Michael and I are not friends but we are friendly to one another. We are an ill-matched pair. We would not meet socially but we meet on the road and exchange greetings and stories. I think our meetings serve some purpose but I do not know what it is: one for psychologists, sociologists and philosophers.

Must go. Got to have some sort of lunch before I collect my daughters from Cork.

Keep well!

Tom        

My response to a piece on "The Break-up of Russia"

 I watched the video about "The Break-up of Russia" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqYZqNpLQb8). Interesting. I agree with his conclusions, but for very different reasons. His reasoning seems to be that Russia will fall apart because of racial tensions. My reasoning is that Russia will fall apart for economic reasons and because of lack of cohesion.

Preable to my explanation:

As I say to people: Modern Russia IS NOT The Soviet Union WAS NOT The Russian Empire. There is obviously continuity between them but they are not (and will not become) the same. This may be one of Putin's major mistakes.

A metaphor: The fire brigade will point out that a fire needs three things: fuel, oxidant and a source of ignition. You need all three to have a fire.

Another metaphor: In a lot of things you get a balance between opposing forces. There can be an attractive force and a repulsive force. When one changes then the balance point changes.

I'm going to use Wikipedia as my sole source. Not entirely reliable but it's a starting point.

Introduction - The problem:

OK. During Soviet times there was a strong cohesive force which bound the SU together. Like it or not, many of the ordinary people _believed_ in the Communist Party. Soviet Communism was a religion. Many thought that though life was hard now, they were building a better tomorrow, if not for themselves, then for their children or grandchildren. They may have been deluded but they believed it. This belief helped bind the constituent republics and the various ethnic groups.

The Russian Empire was expanding imperial colonialism. As far as the colonists were concerned they were expanding into terra nullus, empty space. The russians expanded east until they encountered China or the Japanese coming the other way. Any cohesion was provided by racism and force. Those times are mostly gone.  

The ideological foundations of the SU have vanished. The binding force of Communism has gone. Putin has not replaced it with anything equivalent, and certainly not with anything which has the same power. There is no "Putinism". I don't think he has attempted to create a personality cult like Stalin; if he has, then he has failed. Though maybe even with the current mess, I still think he has a more powerful image than many Western leaders. The most he seems to have created (in this respect) is a particular kind of nationalism. And the thing is, that his "nationalism" is focused on Russia west of the Urals. It may have a binding effect there, but it has a different effect elsewhere.

Observation:

The more I learn about Russia and the ex-Soviet states the less I know. Until recently (last couple of years) I viewed Russia East of the Urals as "Siberia". That's mistaken, at least in part. Learning about Russia is like a weird lucky dip. You never know what you are going to find, and when you find it, you never know whether it is representative or not.

Russia East of the Urals

Russia is divided up in all sorts of different ways. This is one of those cases where "the more I learn the less I know". There are lots of different subdivisions (Oblasts, Krais, Okrugs, Riyons and nominally independent Republics), all within Russia. The arrangements are not strictly hierarchical either. There are all sorts of anomalies and exceptions. If you want an example of strangeness, look at "The Jewish Autonomous Okrug" (part of the Far Eastern Federal District)

The arrangement I am going to reference is "Federal Districts": 

Federal Districts are enormous - but notice how the Western ones are smaller.

The Far East 

Specifically I am going to look at the Far Eastern Federal District (FEFD): 

Some numbers:

• Area: 7 million km2
• Population: 8.4 million
• Population density: 1.2 /km2 = 3.1 people per square mile!

Compare that with the EU (not for political reasons, just size and diversity)

• Area: 4.2 million km2
• Population: 447 million
• Population density: 106 /km2

The population of the island of Ireland is 6.6 million, or if you prefer, the population of Greater London is 8.9 million.

The FEFD is 1.5 to twice the area of the EU. The EU has 100 times the population density of FEFD!

The population of the FEFD is comparable with the island of Ireland or Greater London!

Just like everywhere else, the population of the FEFD is concentrated in cities. I haven't found any useful figures for the how it is divided but I can imagine what effect that has on the population density of the hinterland.

Now look at the Ethnic composition of the population of the FEFD. All these "ethnicity" figures suffer from the problem that the numbers for the minorities get fragmented. In most cases I think it is appropriate to consider "Russians versus the rest" or maybe "Russians+Western SU Republics versus the rest". 

However you cut it, 78% of the FEFD identify as Russian!

My interpretation of this is that before the settlers came in the 16th to 19th Century this was a sparcely populated area with nomadic or semi-settled peoples. "Russians" (and other groups) colonised the FEFD. Often they had no choice. They overlaid the indigeneous populations. Compare this to British colonisation of USA/Canada/Australia/NZ. If this is the case, then the indigenous peoples will be mostly in the hinterland.

There may be ethnic tensions in parts of Russia, but ethnic independence is not going to drive a separatist movement in FEFD.

I don't know what the indigenous groups want, but my belief is that many of them would like access to the benefits of modern life, some want to migrate to the cities and others would just like to be left alone. They may be discontented but they will not revolt. 

The non-Russian, non-indigenous people probably feel ties towards their ancestral homes but they are in a (very small) minority. Again, they may be discontented but they will not revolt, and if they did, they would not be effective.

Now let's look at population change.

One specific component of the FEFD is Primorsky Krai (literally "Seaside" Krai).

Population: 2 million and is declining. But look at the map and compare the area of PK with that of FEFD.

The population is 92% ethnic Russian. Once again, _Ethnic_ independence is not going to drive separatism.

The human fertility rate is low between 1.5 and 1.7 for period between 2009 and 2016.

My extrapolation from these figures is that the population of PK will decline to between 1.5 and 1.7 million in 25 years (1 generation), say 2050 (I'm assuming that a fertility rate of 2 is necessary to maintain population).

Most of the Russian population of the Far East are descendants of people who arrived there in the past 150 years. Many were exiles, prisoners, were forcibly relocated or transferred to support Soviet mega-projects which are now no longer relevant. These are people who may feel "Russian" but have reasons to distrust the centre.

My perception is that there is dissatisfaction among the Russian population in the Far East and Siberia with how they are treated compared by "the centre" (the Moscow - St Petersburg axis). I have anecdotal evidence for this, but it is self-selecting and therefore biased.

Economy

The economy of the Far East and Siberia is based on extractive industries (mining and forestry) and heavy manufacturing. Infrastructure (roads and railways) is poor. Energy is provided largely by fossil fuels, especially coal. The Far East or maybe Primorsky Krai have huge natural resources but very sparse population.

The Triggering Spark:

I have seen reports that Putin is favouring using troops from Siberia and the Far East in Ukraine. That is to say - he is favouring the Moscow - St Petersburg region. This is one of several places where his policies are, shall we say, "confused". On the one hand he describes Ukrainians as "brothers" but then the actions on the ground could be designed to alienate ethnic Russians in Ukraine. If he is using troops from Siberia, and they are suffering badly, then that will create a groundswell of disaffection. Here is an example from a town close to Novosibirsk - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/74th_Separate_Guards_Motor_Rifle_Brigade#2022_invasion_of_Ukraine      

Conclusion:

My conclusion is that there is enough potential in the Soviet Far East to "drive it outwards" and not enough cohesive force to retain it and "pull it towards the centre (Moscow)". Moscow does not have the power to retain control of the Far East by force, but the population of the Far East retain a cultural and sentimental attachment to "Greater Russia".

The conflict in Ukraine may provide a further outward force driving opinion in Siberia and the Far East away from the centre.

China would benefit from closer relations with the Far East, but does not need to subdue it. Instead of a "revolution" or "withdrawal" of the Far East (in whatever form) from the Russian Federation, I would suggest that a "transfer of emphasis" is more likely. The Far East and Siberia may develop stronger economic ties with China (ignoring Moscow) while still claiming to be part of the political structure called the Russian Federation. You could argue that some of this was happening before the Ukraine crisis and that it will simply continue with China ignoring sanctions, possibly by using North Korea as a proxy.      

This, that, travels and cats.

The fancy took me to write a few notes, and you're one of them.

We've all survived the last couple of years without suffering significant harm. I'm troubled by events in Ukraine and limit how much I follow things.

I've just completed my one-year course at the local technical college - it was computer-related and I hope to put some of what I learned to use. The exams are over and I await the results. The score doesn't really matter to me though. I know what I learned. 

I don't remember where we left off conversations but we've acquired a new kitten (called Luna, should probably be Luna(tic)), and continue to care for a feral tomcat we call Scrawny. 

When we first encountered Scrawny he was, well, Scrawny. He was thin, his fur was thin and bedraggled and he wouldn't let anyone approach him. Scrawny is scrawny no longer. He will let Siobhan pet him and he will sometimes come into the house, but is very quick to dash out again too.

Luna, is always scampering about. She is about 6 months old and has recently been neutered. We plan to let her out into the garden when the fur has grown back over the scar area. From time to time she ambushes me: I will be doing something and suddenly experience a sharp pain in my leg (claws digging in). She sometimes climbs up and sits on my shoulder, imagine Long John Silver with the parrot but with everyone involved having more limbs!

Now that I've got my course out of the way, I'm thinking about making a trip over to the UK. I have some business which it would be easier and pleasanter to do in person. I have no plans at present but am thinking about what I want to do. Are you "receiving visitors" if I happen to be in your part of the world?

26th May 2022

Pressing the reset button - May 2022

 For my own reasons I've decided I may be using this blog again. Nice to see that it's still here and still functioning.

Some of this may be factual, some may be fiction. I'm going to do a limited amount of self-censorship and also rely on "security by obscurity".

Cheers, Tom

26th May 2022

Wales, wales bloody great fish that swim in the sea.

(This is the slightly edited content of a note I sent to a friend)

You've got me thinking. I've seen quite a bit of Wales over the years. Mostly "in-transit"! It's natural to divide it up into bits: North, Mid, South and West, but actually when you're there, some of the "bits" merge into one-another, or the bit actually seems better divided into sub-bits etc.

Over the years my requirements and tastes have changed a bit. Started out I was only interested in "countryside". That turned into "countryside and beer" which all became romanticised a bit and then changed with the arrival of a family and now I think we're reaching the stage when the family want to be somewhere else (but might be a bit afraid of doing it themselves). Overall, I think what sticks with me is impressions. I'm interested in history. I like pubs.  I prefer them to have good beer, but otherwise I prefer them to have interesting architecture and natives who will talk to you, but not monopolise the conversation.

Most of this is years and years ago, so, things may have changed. Starting from the North and sticking with "bits wot I've visited":

Anglesey and Holyhead (or Holy Island). A place I've only really passed through. I think there is more to see here than might first appear. One of the things which struck me about Holyhead was the "British Imperial Provincial Architecture". That's my own term. It looks familiar, and you can see it all over the world: in Ireland and even (from pictures) in India.

The view from the Bridge over the Menai straits is really worthwhile. And then there's the history of the road, and the railway and the ferry route to Dublin and...

Leaving Bangor you have two choices: the A5 heading down eventually to the Midlands or the A55 across towards Manchester. One day I may do the A5 slowly. On the other hand, the A55 is one of the roads I know only too well. Lytham St Annes to North Cork and back in a weekend (sort-of). Interesting road. Varies from along, under or through cliffs, to over "coastal plain".

We stayed in a cottage in Abergwyngregyn one summer. Even the locals call it "Aber". The cottage was nice, but it's not a terribly interesting place, apart from a nice waterfall. The owner of the Aber Falls Hotel seemed to have fallen out with the locals and be having trouble with the business. On the other hand, the owner of the of the furniture factory/store next door was friendly, had a nice dog (called "Gellert") and two Trabants in
the front yard. He said he had driven one of them back from Berlin! You can see why I got on with him.

Further south on the coast is Pwllheli. That was our first summer holiday after the girls were born, and my only experience of Butlin's. Actually I rather liked it, but you have to be prepared to "take your brain out and leave it somewhere safe". It's actually rather nice to just swan about. We took the half-board option, complete with table service! When you have two tiny ones in tow that is really pretty pleasant. Everyone should do Butlins (Pwllheli is now a "Haven") at least once to decide whether you like it or not!

Inland, of course there is Snowdonia. It's a while since I climbed to the top on foot, but I have taken the girls up there on the train. We stopped short of the summit because the café was being refurbished. In any case it was one of those Welsh days when the only real view we would have had would have been of white!

Back to the coast. You know I like Portmerion. My first visit there was when an acquaintance persuaded me to visit the Ffestiniog railway. He was a member of the society and I think he might have been trying to recruit me as a mate to go there with. Anyway, we were fortunate enough for there to be an Open-day at the Boston Lodge works. This was not long after I'd parted company with the boiler industry, so I had a great time. My mate was surprised (horrified?) when I got talking to one of the blokes there and finished up doing a little welding. I couldn't do it now, and even then I wouldn't trust my welding!

I think Ffestiniog own (?) the causeway which cuts off the Cob. I don't know if they still do this, but at that time, as a money-raiser they used to charge a small toll when to road users when they thought it was worth their while! Legalised, but pleasant, highway robbery! As for Portmerion, it's a strange place. Worth looking up the details. I've stayed there twice. It seems both larger and smaller than you imagine. Clough Williams-Ellis (I hope I've got that right) was an architect and he in Portmerion he messed around with scale and
perspective. Many of the buildings are smaller than you think they are. If you are lucky

enough to get inside some of the buildings you will find that windows can seem to be in the wrong places, because you are on the inside of a 3/4 scale model. Odd! On the other hand the place itself is set in huge grounds which extend down to the estuary. One morning when Noreen and I were staying there, we set off before the crowds were let in and kept walking away towards the end of the penisula. Rhodedenrons and semi-cultivated, semi-wild gardens all the way, and we didn't see a soul until we were on our way back probably an hour or more later.

As for the Ffestiniog, I agree. A wonderful experience. The girls loved it when they were going through the "Thomas the Tank Engine" phase. I remember one trip when I went up to Blaenau. It was very wet. While wandering round the town I looked in an estate agents window and was shocked at the low price of some of the cottages in town. I'm still glad I resisted the temptation to buy!

At one time I had an idea that it would be fun to do the whole trip to Minford by train and then get a taxi to Portmerion Hotel. It would be ridiculously expensive and probably be a disappointment in the end. To understand what I have in mind you have to imagine scenes culled from Sherlock Holmes, the Railway Children and Brief Encounter. All black and white and steam and fog. Ideally the taxi should really be a hansom cab and there should be wolves howling in the background.

Much further south and inland, is Cilgeran. It's complete with its own castle and sits above the River Teifi. We rented a pleasant cottage with flagged floors downstairs, a grapevine in the greenhouse and a path from the back gate to the castle. There are easy walks along the river down towards Cardigan. There are several good pubs in the town. I particularly recommend The Pendre Inn. The natives were friendly and explained a few interesting local features, like how the tide was used to get stone from the quarries down to the port and explaining the remains of a large-scale fish trap.

Anyway, that was fun. I enjoyed writing that lot! There could be more, but I've run out of steam for now.

System Building turned on its head!

It’s no secret that one of my favourite television programmes is “Grand Designs”. My favourite episode is “Ben Law’s house in the woods”. If you are not in the UK, then this may not make that much sense to you.

It’s also no secret that, as an engineer, I like system built construction, but I don’t particularly like system built houses. So far, the ones on “Grand Designs” which have impressed me are: “The Huf House” (http://www.huf-haus.com/en/home.html) and “The ADApta-house” (http://www.adaptahaus.co.uk/).  After last night’s new episode (19^th September 2012 on UK Channel 4) I need to add another one. I’m afraid I don’t know the name of the system yet, but I’m going to find out. I also don’t usually enthuse about television programmes, but this one is worth watching, even if you don’t particularly like Grand Designs and Kevin McCloud (http://www.channel4.com/programmes/grand-designs/4od).

Description

If you haven’t seen it yet, here’s my summary and thoughts:

The clients are a pair of lady university professors in a civil partnership. They’re obviously approaching retirement. What is admirable is that they decided to act as patrons to a small industrial design firm with a big idea. I don’t especially like the house, but I do like the method of construction. The house is very “Modernist” and the method of construction suits that kind of design. The method reminds me, very much, of techniques suggested for constructing things on the Moon or Mars!

The designers had a “big” idea, but had never built a house before. This was going to be their prototype. The deal that the clients and the designer had was that the clients paid for the construction, but the “thinking” and “error-fixing” was done for free by the design team. The design team did the construction themselves. The site was awash with degrees of various kinds, and lots of enthusiasm.

Most system-building relies on using standard modules which are constructed off-site. Often this means “the bigger the better”. That way most of the work is done in the controlled environment of the factory and all that happens on site is the final assembly of the modules. In many cases the modules are fully fitted out before they leave the factory. Great on site, but it does mean that the client has to make all the decisions before construction starts and that may be months in advance.

This new technique stands all this on its head (or “inside out”, or whatever metaphor you like). Everything is made on site!

 Let me describe the process for this particular house.

The foundations were screw-piles, topped by an engineered wood framework (timber “I” beams) and a plywood base floor. So far, so ordinary.

The “factory” arrived at site inside a steel container with a dropdown side. All it needed to get going was some concrete slabs to stand on and an electricity supply. Even that could have been a mobile generator. 

The raw material was sheets of 8x4 construction plywood. The house was built of semi-standard modules. The factory used a computer controlled milling cutter to cut a sheet into the components for an enclosed box. The box was assembled by the workers as the components were finished. It typically took 4 minutes (give or take) to assemble a box and fasten it together with a nail gun. Each box was (usually) constructed from a single sheet of ply and was therefore of such as size and weight as to be easily handled by 2 people.

Once a box was completed it was carried to the house and fastened into place. Each box is numbered by the mill (number routed into the surface) and manufactured as it is required. The assembly drawings tell the workers where it has to go. The boxes were fastened together using wooden staples made by the mill, from the same plywood sheet as the box components.

This was a two storey building, and once the shell was finished, it was roofed, rendered and clad fairly conventionally.  Plumbing and electrical first fix was done conventionally but made very convenient by having the routing for the services built into the boxes. Windows and doors are subcontracted and fitted into openings built into the shell. Once the building is watertight and secure the boxes are filled with blown recycled newspaper insulation (so that’s a foot of insulation on all walls, and the floor and (I think) the roof).

The show followed the standard Grand Designs format and identified problems on the way through, but actually, especially considering it was such an experimental construction method I didn’t see that many.

Problems and Vulnerabilities:

Like all building using precision, factory built, components, you are very dependent on the quality of the foundations and initial setting out. It has to be square and level because there is no opportunity to adjust things later. This wasn’t a problem on this occasion because whoever did the groundwork knew what they were doing (probably not the designers of the house).

Before the first floor was up there was some heavy rain and the designers were concerned that the dampness might mess up the dimensions of the boxes. It doesn’t seem to have been a problem in practice.

On the ground floor, the modules turned out to be “a bit of a tight fit” in places. This was because the designer had not allowed for a proper fitting clearance. It wasn’t too severe a problem, and was rectified for the first floor by an adjustment to the cutting design. Probably achieved by a single parameter being adjusted, or alternatively, by re-dimensioning the first floor boxes (if done that way, it probably turned into an all-nighter, which we didn’t see).

The windows were a perfect fit in their allotted places, but the client didn’t like the proposed fastening method. Actually, neither did I; screwing through the frames even when the screw heads are covered with caps, seems a bit crude for such a high spec building. The alternative (much better) involved hidden brackets, and required some manual chiselling to make rebates for the brackets. The designer said he would adopt the new attachment method for future buildings and the rebates would be routed into the components by the factory.

The flat roof didn’t have quite the correct fall to drain properly. The additional drain had to be modified to satisfy the building inspector that it had sufficient capacity. Once again, this was a problem with experience and detailing, and the solution has now been accepted into the design parameters used by the designer.

One of the clients fitted the blanking plates for the holes used to install the insulation herself. She said they were too tight a fit. Again, a detailing and dimensioning problem with can be solved for future constructions.

The clients felt that at times the designer took too much control of the design. They said that they felt “they should have been more assertive” at times. They also said that they felt that part of the deal was to give over some control to the designer, and that they were entirely happy with the result. This seems to have been a good client/patron, maker relationship.

The project ran slightly over budget (15% ?), but don’t they all?    

Strengths

• What I like about this method is the way that everything is made on site. There is considerable flexibility.
• It seems to mix good bits from traditional building: first fix and fitting out on site, inside a weather-tight shell.
• The client is not committed to anything until the actual cutting starts. I wouldn’t recommend making changes at the last minute, but they would be possible.
• The client is not committed to decorative finishes until the shell is up and they can walk around it. This solves the problem of people visualising spaces. It also creates the possibility of adjusting the finish to suit the budget.  
• Stock and material control is easier. There is one main material: sheets of 8x4 ply. Building component boxes (which do not have to be all the same) are made as they are required. The bill of materials from the design program (don’t know what it was) handles the quantities required. Made components are numbered by the factory to match the construction drawings, so identification should be straight forward (no looking for “right handed hoople-grommet”) and components are constructed just before they are needed for construction, so there is no stock-yard to search through.
• The “factory” is just the contents of the shipping container, plus a covered assembly area on site. No need to pay for the costs of a large factory area when it isn’t working.

Limitations

• The method lends itself to boxy “modernist” construction. All right if you like that sort of thing.
• I suspect that the 8x4 sheet imposes some limitations, like the maximum height of ceilings (think about it). Even this can probably be got round, with imagination. Similarly, total number of storeys may be limited. None of this is at all serious. I would regard it mainly as “characteristics” of the method and the material.
• It is probably easiest if the factory is building parts for one building at a time. That may represent a limitation on “utilisation efficiency”, but frankly I don’t see it as too serious. If you have two or more buildings on the same site (they don’t have to be identical, just make them in sequence, and maybe move the factory to each one as you build it).

Overall

 I like it! I may not like the product, but the clients did, and that is what matters. I can see this carving a niche for itself. Similarly, I think the idea of moving the precision factory onto the site, making custom components just-in-time and then assembling them as required is very interesting. The added-value chain might be interesting too (sheet of ply, component box, house shell, finished house etc). 

I’ve just been racing a tractor pulling a slurry tank

(Thursday 13^th September 2012 Signed on 17:39)

It all happens where I live. I really have been racing a tractor pulling a slurry tank this afternoon and I’ve been to the Garda station.

Let’s start with the tanker: the house where we live has a septic tank. The Irish Government have decided to comply with European regulations and have all septic tanks inspected. My septic tank is registered, but there have been lots of complaints in the press about the process. Many people view it as a “tax on rural Ireland”. They’re probably right but I believe in “render onto Caesar that which is Caesar’s”, so I registered early and will be helpful to whoever turns up to do the inspection.

With any kind of inspection or examination one always has concern that something bad will be found. In this case that might mean a new septic tank, which would be enormously disruptive and very expensive. If something nasty is going to happen, I would rather find out sooner than later, so I arranged to have my tank emptied and at the same time asked the fellow emptying it whether he thought it would pass.

I found two suppliers who empty septic tanks. Both offered good service (registered, etc) so naturally I chose the one which was slightly cheaper. I will comment, that it may be a dirty business but the people in it seem to be very easy and pleasant to deal with. I arranged for him to call at my house in the early evening, and to ring my mobile when he was on his way.

I had to collect my daughters from their school just before 4 o’clock and on the way home I dropped into the supermarket to buy a packet of cereal that I had overlooked in today’s shop. While I was in the check-out queue my phone rang. I could see from the display that it was the septic-tank man, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. Hoping that I was saying the right thing, I said that I was on my way home and that he should proceed there.

On the way home, on the way out of the town I drive through a tee junction (in front of the library for anyone who knows). As I  was in the traffic queue I saw an enormous 4 wheel drive tractor, pulling a proportionately large slurry tank crossing the “tee”. I said to my daughters, “I bet that is our slurry tanker”. They agreed, but we couldn’t be sure, and there was nothing practical we could do about it in any case, because we were waiting in traffic.

When we turned into our road (a long, winding country road), the tractor was nowhere in sight, but soon enough we caught up with the queue of traffic which had accumulated behind it. I was now “racing a tractor pulling a slurry tank”.  Fortunately he pulled over to let the traffic clear and to get his bearings before he reached my house, so I was able to overtake him and pull into my drive.

The driver was extremely skilful. Backing the tractor into my driveway and then around the corner of the house was like threading a needle.

The actual emptying was done quickly and efficiently. The driver said that the tank needed emptying and I would see that there was large proportion of solids in the stuff that he was pumping out. Yuck!

As he was leaving I noticed something lying in my front garden. I thought it might be his, so I walked over to it, picked it up and waved at him. The thing I had picked it up was a brown ladies’ handbag which had been discarded in my front garden. I realised that it might from a robbery of some sort. There was nothing to be done about my having picked it up, so I dropped it in a plastic carrier and took it to the Garda Station. The Garda looked at it, inspected the contents: a recipe, a cigarette lighter, a receipt and two Mass cards (For anyone who doesn’t know, a Mass card is printed to commemorate someone’s funeral).  I hadn’t noticed the Mass Cards, but the Garda seemed to think that they suggested that the bag belonged to someone local. The receipt was from a local supermarket (actually the one where I had bought the cereal just a short time before, and had the “Rewards Card” number on it, so it should be easy for the Supermarket to identify the bag’s owner for the Gardai. I left my name, address and phone number and went on my way.

(Signed off 19:13 800 Words, a little over 1 page)